Saturday, 12 July 2014

"You Cannot Know Of Knowledge, You don't know Exists"

You Cannot Know Of Knowledge..
That you do not know Exists?

A few weeks ago I thought of this
Call it a qoute if you wish
I do not know what you call it
But it is a statement
And a very true one at that.

With Asperger's, I think this is one of the most important things to remember for the rest of your life.

How could you know of something
Unless you know about it
How could you imagine
The unimaginable.

Growing up
I always knew I was different
That there was something

I could not put my finger on it
But I was not like most of the people around me
I was different, yet..
Exactly the same.

I could not understand the other kids
And for some reason
They could not understand me?

Why was this?

The problem was my perception
Perception can be a very big problem
As it is the way that you interpret everything

How you interpret the world around you
How you interpret what is asked of you
And how you interpret what is said to you.

The thing is..
Compared to everyone around you
You misinterpret everything.

That leaves you in a world of confusion
That leaves you on the outskirts of society
It makes you an observer

Observing the world is interesting
It leads you to understanding
Yet, you understand only what you perceive understanding to be.

Something which I realised only very recently
I am now of age 23
Is that you need to ask questions.
And you need to say what you are thinking.

Only then can you be corrected
Or be confirmed correct.

This is a very funny concept
One not many people could actually grasp
Or begin to understand.

This is common sense is it not?
Of course you need to speak your mind
How else can you get your ideas across?
How could people know what you are thinking
They cannot read your mind?

That is exactly that.
I forgot to take into account
The fact that no one can actually know what I am thinking
Unless I verbalise it.

This probably sounds fucking ridiculous
But I have been under the impression
That people just know what I know
Know what I think.
They know my problems
And what I am dealing with.
At least most of the time..

For a very long time
I did not focus on this
I did not bother to mention anything
I just kept living day after day

Only after I started questioning myself
Trying to find out what is wrong with me
I actually started seeing all the flaws within myself.

So that brings me to the point of how can you know of something
When you do not know it exists?
How do you know what is normal
And what is just normal, to you?

Growing up as a child
I use to feel that my brain is to fast
What does that mean?
Well it is a very vague statement to make..
And it does not really mean much.

I mentioned it to the parents
But it was not taken up seriously
So I did not mention it again

I was under the impression that they now knew
And just knew what was going on within my head
And left it at that.

Turns out that now once I started doing research on it
That I have some form ADHD
That is what I meant by my brain being to fast.
A nice way of describing it
But one which does not mean that much.

I had no idea what ADD was before
I knew it was what hyperactive kids had?
I was not hyperactive
So how does that apply to me?

Well my brain was hyperactive.

Growing up with tics
Little compulsions
Odd behaviours
And very much cleanliness orientated
Cannot use cream on my skin
Cannot stand oils
Showered 3 times a day
Scratching scabs
And biting nails..

After doing some research now, years later.
I also have OCD.

These are labels
These are names for certain things.
Names are part of knowledge
And you cannot know, unless you know.

Not knowing that there is oxygen around you..
You still breath it all the same
And it is still all around you.

Back to the point of speaking your mind
People not being able to share your brain with you
Not having the same interests as you
It is something which can so easily be overlooked.
So easily forgotten.

If you do not actively think about it.
You are not necessarily actively aware of it.

Learning more about Asperger's
Learning about most of the symptoms of it
Reading up about certain habits
Makes you realise in how many ways
You are actually different,
But how you are actually the same.

How you do things differently to most other people.
Things you already maybe knew about yourself
But did not know how to put words to those things.

Learning more about things
Gives you deeper understanding about things
It gives you ways to better yourself
It gives you perspective.

I was mentioning perception earlier.
Serotonin is in charge of perception
It is has to do with OCD
It has to do with mood
And if your Serotonin levels are higher
Or lower
Than everyone around you's Serotonin
You will find things much different to them.
All of the time.

As you learn, you grow
As you grow, you learn.

Never stop learning.
Understanding yourself is very important
Understanding others is also very important

The world is a quest for understanding and learning
The world is filled with knowledge
Things you need to know
To know the things you need.

Never stop learning
Never stop growing
Never stop trying to understand

As knowing of knowledge
Is knowing that it exists.

And knowing
Is great!

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